a message from your friendly local perfectionist
embracing a summer of softness
For as long as I can remember, I have put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself and expected more than anyone in my life expected of me. Whether it was school or rodeo, I would obsess over making sure I was doing my absolute best and if I didn’t, I would beat myself up over it. No one in my life was really putting pressure on me, it was mostly my own doing. Needing to prove myself and “do good.” Whatever that means. Now over the last few weeks, things have been feeling a little confusing and unclear again and that lost feeling has been creeping in, which is the most uncomfy feeling for me (and for a lot of us). I felt like I had all these creative ideas while being away and I told myself I would give myself a couple of weeks and then “get my life together.” Putting pressure on the fact that I needed to have it all figured out in the matter of weeks. Shocker, it’s a few weeks later and I by no means have it all figured out. My work is slow and I feel overwhelmed by my ideas and my brain is telling me that I am running out of time. It’s telling me that if I don’t start the business or get the big girl job NOW, then it’s never going to happen. And to add another piece to the frantic puzzle that is my mind, I also feel like the time to find a partner and experience love is slipping through my fingers. I feel like the older I get, the harder it will be to meet my person (or anyone for that matter.) Now let me point out, I am only 21 years old. Subconsciously, I am very aware of the fact that I have SO much time, but for some reason, my brain can’t comprehend that and my nervous system has been in an overactive, sympathetic state, fearing that my life will never feel “together.”
Rather than holding in all of these thoughts and feelings and burying them inside, I vocalized it to my friends and they told me exactly what my brain needed to hear, which is the truth… why are you rushing? Who actually has their life all figured out at your age? You have so much time. (thanks friends!)
When I was in Portugal, I was working/volunteering with women who were anywhere from 24-32.) And you want to know what we all had in common? We felt a little lost, so we were giving ourselves time to just be. It made me realize that regardless of age, there are going to be seasons where we are feeling this, and that’s okay. It’s not just a feeling designated for your twenties. Here we are trying to rush into a life and a career thinking that its the most important decision we will ever make but who says we have to do what we choose to do right now for the rest of our lives? Who say’s we have to build a career and become “successful” overnight? Okay, maybe society perpetuates this and the comparison game kicks in, but oftentimes it’s our own pressure that we place on our shoulders in order to feel seen, valued, and admired, as much as we don’t want to admit it. But also, its just really uncomfortable to feel like you don’t have all the answers.
When we are feeling this way, stuck in an anxious state when our lives are filled with questions, it’s easy to get wrapped up in it and continue leaning into the fearful cycle. But, what our minds really need is for us to slow the f down and give them some space to breathe.
Words from Billy Joel that are ingrained in my brain… “Slow down, you’re doing fine. You can’t be everything you wanna be before your time.” A reminder for us all that we are doing so much better than we think we are. There is beauty in where we are right now. Imagine your future self looking back at this version of you, scared and lost and overwhelmed and anxious. They will most likely sit you down, give you the biggest, warmest hug, look you in the eyes and tell you that you are doing so much more than fine. That you are exactly where you meant to be and everything works itself out. Imagine this older, calmer and more at peace self and let their words sink in. There’s no use torturing yourself anymore. Life is too short and too precious to.
During this time, while I allow myself to sit with the unknowns and embrace the opportunity to just be, I feel the strong urge to disconnect from the need to control and instead prioritize creating more meaning in my life. To me, the best thing we can do when we feel stuck is focus on doing things that spark love, joy, and creativity. This summer, I have made a list on a piece of paper of things I have to do to spark these things in my life and let go of the fear. Some of these examples include…
Writing love letters to my friends
Writing notes of affirmation and leaving them in places for people to pick up
Volunteer at an old-age home
Make herbal tea blends
Create homemade gift baskets for friends/neighbors
Do my skincare candlelit, slow, and intentionally
Print my favourite photos and create a photo album
It’s a summer of softness. A summer of letting go of expectations. A summer of allowing for all the emotions to come to the surface and accepting them as they are.
Ps. If you have someone in your life to express these feelings to, please do. There’s a high probability others in your life feel the same and connecting on this topic can lift some of the weight off of your shoulders. You are not alone, I promise you.
Sending you the biggest hug in the world!
Chat soon,
Bella xx